Depression, ADHD and World Mental Health Day
Today, October 10, is World Mental Health Day. I haven’t written in several months, so today seemed an appropriate day to start again. See, the reason I haven’t written is my mental health. Between grief, ADHD, and depression caused by the grief and seven weeks without ADHD medication, I’ve been in a pretty terrible headspace.
I slept a lot. Then, I felt guilty for sleeping so much. I still got things done that I needed to get done, but it wasn’t easy or fun. I worried a lot. I was short with my family and, if I’m being honest and clearly that’s what I’m doing now, I was short with myself. I didn’t give myself a lot of grace or leeway. I was just angry and sad and stressed. Prior to my ADHD diagnosis, I put a lot of my “failings” down to laziness or as I liked to call it, being an intellectual asshole. Turns out, that whole different brain chemistry thing plays a bigger role than you’d expect. Who knew?!
Even knowing that a lot of things stem from the ADHD, doesn’t always stem the tide of negative self talk. The refrain of, “You’re lazy. You just need to actually try harder, not just say you are. You just don’t care at all, do you?”, continues to run through my brain. With medication, it’s often easier to shut down the negative thoughts. Without it, whoo boy, those thoughts got an inch and took a mile. It was so much harder to quiet the noise and stop beating myself up for the smallest mistakes.
A PSA for anyone who has an ADHD person in their life, please know that every time you get irritated with them, that person has already had that same thought plus about a hundred more about themselves.
Lack of meds plus the ongoing grief from my mother’s death, and the variety of nonsense that’s happened since (a home invasion while I was home, a number of costly home and car repairs, running out of medication, and being run down by a guy on drugs who was riding bicycle down a busy sidewalk) created a perfect storm to bring on depression.
I wanted to write, but I couldn’t make myself do it. What was I going to write about, all the sleeping I was doing or the mundanity of my vaguely depressed life? That sounds boring for everyone involved.
I got my medication a couple weeks ago and the fog has lifted a lot. My brain functioning better has made a huge difference. The emotional regulation is back on track and while I still don’t like doing the boring-to-me stuff, I can at least start the tasks now.
I’ve talked about it a couple of times in a lighthearted kind of way, but mostly I’ve kept it to myself. The Katy the outside world saw still got dressed, put on makeup, smiled, laughed, and tried to enjoy life and create joy for her family.
If you’re reading this and trying to figure out why I wrote it; there are three main reasons.
The first is to remind people that depression can look like nothing’s wrong. It can be the person you think is strong, fun, and collected. The person who checks on you needs checking on as well.
The second is to let others dealing with similar things know that they’re not alone. You’re not alone in this. Whether it’s ADHD, anxiety, depression, a combination of those things, or something else, you’ve got people who can empathize and understand what you’re going through. Please know you don’t have to keep it to yourself and you’re not a burden to the people who love you. They want to help in any way they can.
The third, and final reason, is that talking and writing about it, brings mental health into the light. It’s still an aspect of health that’s spoken about in hushed tones, with the tinge of guilt and shame. There’s no need for that.
Think about Simone Biles. She dropped out of the Tokyo Olympics due to poor mental health. Some celebrated her openness about it, while others trashed her and blamed it on laziness or weakness. David Beckham has spoken about his depression following England’s loss in the 1998 World Cup. He wasn’t eating or sleeping. He never spoke about it then because suffering from mental health issues was, and often still is, considered shameful. But, when athletes suffer physical injuries like a torn ACL, no one is screaming about their perceived weakness or telling them to walk it off. Why would we keep treating mental health like it’s not a problem that deserves to be treated just like a physical injury?
Actually, the need is to speak about mental health openly, unashamedly, because the more we refuse to hide it, the more those in charge of making laws and directing policy are forced to acknowledge it and work to make access to mental health supports easier for everyone.
Today is World Mental Health Day and I refuse to keep pretending like I haven’t been struggling for the better part of the last seven months.
katyferrywrites.com 
Well said. I have felt that way about mental health for many years but you have put it in writing for the world to see and hear. You and I both know people who hide these issues for family members to preserve their privacy when, in truth, we’re reinforcing that their illness is something to be ashamed of. If a family member was diagnosed with cancer, we would come running over with casseroles and start prayer chains and feel free to ask, out in public, how the cancer patient is doing. But if that person is diagnosed with depression, we know better than to ask why he/she is missing work or not showing up for Thanksgiving dinner so the cycle perpetuates. I wish you all the best in your own journey and in helping others come out of the darkness.
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Thank you, Katy. Mental health is such a key component of all health issues. I remember Mother going through a particularly hard time in life and her doctor prescribed Zoloft for her. She refused to take it until he said to her that she had treated her cancer, her appendicitis, her diabetes and this was no different. You have faced your issues and continue to help others because of said issues. As always, I am so proud of you and your ability to speak to a topic. Love you so much.
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So much good stuff in here Katy! Thanks for being bold enough to talk about it. I recently found out my Nana was severely depressed during her lifetime – to the point of hospitalization for electroshock therapy. No one talked about it. These things should not be a secret from future generations. Getting comfortable sharing will help your girls and their children (should they choose to have them) in big ways. It also helps you see you are not alone and are a beacon for others. Keep it up. You are normalizing mental health.
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